Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Let's get the cat blown out
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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