found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
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I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
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you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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