Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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