I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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