My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
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I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Drake has all the answers
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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