Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize