Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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