I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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