I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize