I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize