You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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