Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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