He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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