U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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