when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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