Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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