this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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