I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
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The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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