My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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