I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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