Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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