Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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