is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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