Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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