im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
porn star boner night. come get it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
soo... how was my night?
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