Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Did I show you my penis last night?
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Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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