neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
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I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
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Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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