I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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