"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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