Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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