As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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