I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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