After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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