You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
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you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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