i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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