"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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