Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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