Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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