My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize