At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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