I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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