she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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