sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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