I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
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I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
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I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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