girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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