Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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