Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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