if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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