if you like me you must not know who I am
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize