I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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